Navigating Relationship Challenges: Why Communication Matters

Ever feel like you and your partner are speaking different languages? I don’t know about you but my TikTok algorithm has been filled with strategies to communicate with friends, family, partners, and bosses. No, just me? Perhaps I’m too far down the therapy algorithm. 

The reality is communication is a HUGE part of any relationship, and super common to struggle with expressing ourselves, feeling heard, or navigating tough conversations without tension. The good news? Healthy communication is a skill that can be learned—and small changes can make a big difference. Let’s break down how to build stronger, more connected relationships through better communication.

The Key Elements of Healthy Communication

• Active Listening – What does it mean to ACTUALLY listen? 

  • Focusing on understanding, not just responding.

  • Getting curious, asking questions, and getting clarification if you don’t understand.

• Expressing Yourself Clearly – Using "I" statements instead of blame.

  • Express what you’re feeling from your perspective, not making statements about what your partner is doing wrong.

  • My favourite script for this is: “When you do/say ____ it makes me feel ____”. 

• Emotional Regulation – Managing big feelings before reacting

  • Ensure that you’re allowing yourself and your partner the opportunity to regulate your emotions before having tough conversations or taking a break to self-regulate if things are getting heated. 

  • The Gottman’s (the experts in relationships) are a great resource for learning how to break the conflict cycle if you find yourself getting flooded with emotions during tough chats. 

  • A moment to reflect: Check in with yourself, what are some signs that you might be flooded or overwhelmed by emotion? What usually happens to your body, your tone of voice, and your thoughts? When would be the right time to interrupt and self-soothe and when would you be too far into it?

• Nonverbal Cues – Body language and tone impact conversations

  • Things as small as head nods and maintaining eye contact (if that’s comfortable for you) go a long way.

  • Soften facial expressions and body language are going to go further than crossed arms and appearing as though you’re not wanting to be in the conversation. 

Healthy Conflict Resolution Strategies

Validating each other’s perspectives

People often miss out on the power of validation. Validating doesn’t mean you agree with everything your partner says, it simply means you recognize their perspective as real and important to them. Validation is a super diffuser, hear me out. When another person feels heard, and understood, their defences (that may have been previously up) are going to come down and meet you in a place for discussion, and resolution.

Saying things like, “I can see why that upset you” or “That makes sense, I hadn’t thought about it that way” can create a space of trust and understanding.

Finding compromises that respect both people’s needs

Wouldn’t the world be a beautiful place if we could get what we want all the time? It actually might be boring, and we probably wouldn’t cultivate very deep relationships. Finding a compromise allows us to meet in the middle for both partner’s needs. I’m not going to pretend this is easy, we may be more willing to compromise in one area of our life compared to another. But, when we focus on finding a solution or pathway through a problem together, we open up space for collaboration and connection in our relationships.

Ask questions like, “What’s most important to you in this?” or “How can we meet in the middle in a way that works for both of us?” The goal is not to “win” but to find a path forward where both partners feel seen and respected.

Setting boundaries and respecting them

Boundaries define what we are and aren’t comfortable with in relationships. They protect our emotional well-being and ensure that interactions remain healthy and respectful. Boundaries are what we place for ourselves, and not others. Clear boundaries might include needing personal space, having alone time, or setting limits around difficult topics. Boundaries allow us to express our needs around time, space, touch, and communication so that the relationship continues to exist and grow!

Example of setting boundaries:

Partner One: “I notice that I need an hour of alone time after work to de-compress and transition to home life before we discuss the challenges we’re having in our relationship”.  

Partner Two: “I hear that this is important to you, and I’ll do my best to respect it”. 

Example of inappropriate use of the word “boundaries”:

Partner One: “I’m going to need you to stop posting photos like that of yourself on Instagram, please respect my boundaries, I don’t like it”. 

Partner One isn’t setting a boundary, they’re trying to express that something posted online made them feel uncomfortable, and this can be explored in a conversation. Boundaries are not a replacement for telling your partner what to do with their behaviour.

Building Long-Term Communication Habits

• Regular check-ins with your partner

  • Instead of waiting for a blow-up fight or until something’s wrong, check in with your partner BEFORE things get big. 

  • Practicing check-ins doesn’t have to be an intense monthly meeting. It can be made fun, maybe you go out for ice cream, on a walk, or make something together and do a quick temperature check on the relationship, are there things that need addressing? What’s going well? What things are you looking forward to together? Is there something bigger to be addressed that can be discussed now or in the future?

• Practicing gratitude and appreciation

  • Not all conversations should be about what’s going wrong, we need to shed some more light on what’s going right!

  • You love your partner, right? And there’s a reason you’re with them. So, make sure you’re equally (if not more) showing interest, gratitude, and appreciation in them. 

  • A small compliment or expression of appreciation for something they’ve done is going to go a long way. 

• Learning from past conflicts and growing together

  • Learn from the times communication gets sticky, and reflect on how things could been done differently. 

  • The more we practice communication and some of the discomfort that comes along with it, the better we’ll be able to use it when we need it most! 

When to Seek Support

Recognizing When Communication Issues Are Causing Distress

Communication challenges can gradually create tension in a relationship, but it’s not always obvious when they’ve become a serious issue. Some signs to watch for:

• Frequent misunderstandings – Feeling like you and your partner are constantly on different pages.

• Increased conflict – Small disagreements escalate into big arguments.

• Emotional disconnection – Feeling unheard, unseen, or emotionally distant from your partner.

• Avoidance of difficult topics – Walking on eggshells or hesitating to bring up important concerns.

• Resentment building over time – Unresolved feelings leading to frustration, anger, or withdrawal.

How Therapy Can Help Improve Relationship Challenges

Therapy provides a structured, non-judgmental space to explore relationship challenges and develop healthier communication patterns. Whether attending individually or as a couple, therapy can help by:

• Identifying underlying issues – A therapist can help you recognize deeper patterns contributing to communication breakdowns.

• Teaching effective communication strategies – Learning to express needs clearly, listen actively, and de-escalate conflict.

• Building emotional awareness – Understanding your own triggers and learning to regulate emotions in conversations.

• Strengthening connection and trust – Relearning how to communicate with kindness, curiosity, and validation.

• Providing conflict resolution skills – Learning to approach disagreements in a way that fosters understanding rather than division.

Resources for Couples or Individuals Seeking Guidance

If you or your partner are struggling with communication, these resources could be a good place to start:

• Books:

  • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John Gottman

  • Nonviolent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg

  • Attached – Amir Levine & Rachel Heller (on attachment styles and communication)

• Podcasts:

  • Where Should We Begin? – Esther Perel (real couples working through relationship issues)

  • The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast – Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby (relationship and personal growth topics)

• Online Therapy & Counseling Services:

  • Find a registered relationship therapist or couples counsellor in your area.

• Workshops & Online Courses:

  • Gottman Institute relationship workshops

  • Mindfulness-based relationship courses

Wrap-Up

Healthy communication isn’t just about talking—it’s about truly understanding and being understood. If you’ve ever felt unheard, misunderstood, or stuck in recurring conflicts, you’re not alone. 

Improving communication can transform your relationships and bring you closer to the people who matter most. If you’re ready to break unhealthy patterns and build stronger connections, therapy can help. Book a free consultation to see if therapy is the right fit for you!